mother of 2

Its an adjustment.

Honestly, I thought with as big of an age gap there is between my 2 boys, it would be easy.

Not to mention that Madden is like the easiest, most laid back, well behaved kid ever.

So I didn't really think juggling 2 kids would be that hard.

But its always hard adding another kid to the mix, no matter what number it is or what the age gap is.

The first couple weeks home with Beckett, I felt like all I did ALL DAY LONG was either nurse the baby, burp him, change him, hold him, rock him, and anytime he wasn't in my arms, I was either taking a much needed shower or taking a much needed nap.

Luckily, with grandmas and dad here helping out, Madden always had someone to entertain him and pay attention to him.

But I still felt that pang of "mom guilt" over not having hardly any time for him those first few weeks.

He never complained about it.

He never acted out.

But I just felt bad.

I even missed a preschool field trip with him to the farm because it was only 4 days after my c-section :(

Grandma Hunt was nice enough to take him for me.

Then as soon as both grandmas were gone and dad was back at work and it was time to resume normal life, I asked Madden out on a "date."

Just me and him.

We left Beckett at home with daddy for a couple hours and Madden and I went out for frozen yogurt and browsed Barnes & Noble and read books together there and played with the train table.

It was sooooo nice to finally have some one-on-one time with him.

We didn't talk about the baby or "being a big brother", we just talked about normal stuff...like what kind of a birthday party theme he wants this year and which friend of his has the most skylanders he's ever seen and who he sat by at preschool that day.

Sometimes I still feel that "mom guilt,"

like when Madden wakes up too early and I've been up all night with the baby and I beg him to just watch one more cartoon while I sleep in a little bit longer...

or when it takes so long to nurse the baby that we don't have time to stop at McDonalds on the way to preschool that day like I said we would...

or when I've finally got the baby down for a nap and need a shower cuz I haven't showered in days, so I tell him to play with Siri on my iPhone (Oh Siri, you're a great babysitter)...

or when I scratch my grand ideas for some cute homemade pinterest valentines and instead buy a box of walmart valentines and then coach my 4 1/2 year old on writing out his own valentines from a distance because I don't dare move the sleeping newborn on my lap...

I know its gonna take some time for that mom guilt to go away and for me to get used to this new dynamic in our family.

I mean, Madden has been my only child for so long and I've always been able to give so much of my time and attention to only him, so it suddenly feels really strange and hard NOT to be able to.

But I know he's just fine.

He's happy to be a big brother.

He knows I love him.

And I'm so so happy to finally be a mother of 2.