All-Day Kindergarten

8 * 6 * 14

Welp.

Now real life begins.

My first born officially started school.

Like, real school.

Like all-freaking-day-long school.

When we went to Meet The Teacher Night 2 days before school started, I could just SEE the anxiety set in for Madden as soon as we got there.  

Luckily, he scored and got an awesome teacher!  I just adore her  and I have heard from so many people at the school how amazing she is.  So that was a huge relief!

When we got home, I talked to Madden and asked him what he was nervous about and he said he was scared he wouldn't know where to go or where his class was because the school was so big.

Coming from 2 years of at-home preschool, I can see how he would feel that way, but I assured him that he would never be left alone and his teacher would be with him and that I would walk him up to the playground the first few days, etc etc.

Well, my poor sensitive, anxious, nervous, scared little boy was soooooo worried about starting school that he started wetting the bed every night for the 3 nights leading up to the first day.  He hasn't wet the bed in over a year!  It was breaking my heart and making ME nervous FOR him!  But as nervous and scared as I was for him to start school, I made sure not to show it to him.

I hyped it up, told him how FUN it was gonna be, how AWESOME I heard his teacher was and how kindergarten is the BEST!

I mean, it really is the best, but I reallllllllly had to sell it to Madden cuz I knew he was scared.

The night before his first day, I let him choose any restaurant to go to and have a special family dinner at.  He chose Red Robin.  Then we went out for ice cream cones afterwards.  And when we got home, we read a book about starting Kindergarten and then Randy gave him a blessing.  I could hardly sleep that night.

I'm so glad it ended up being one of Randy's late mornings so that he was able to come with us at drop-off the next morning.  Madden had his new back-to-school outfit on, his new shoes on, his batman backpack and his PB&J lunch packed in his brand new Skylanders lunchbox.  When we got to the kindergarten playground, we took a few pics, showed him where to put his backpack, and then he ran off to play.  He recognized a couple kids from his primary class (although none of the boys he knows have the same teacher as him) and I think that made him feel better to see some familiar faces.

Then the bell rang.  We showed him where to line up and Miss Beazer came out to pick them up.  He kissed me on the cheek, gave his dad knuckles, waved goodbye and then he was off, without hardly looking back.  I was worried there might be tears and was so relieved and proud when there wasn't.  I think he was trying to be extra tough with his daddy there :)

I knew that day would be a long one for me, so I tried to keep myself as busy as possible.  I went to the gym, got some grocery shopping done and met some girlfriends for lunch.  Before I knew it, it was time to go pick him up.  I was sooooo excited to see him and soooo anxious to hear how his day went!

Although he had a smile on his face when he came out of the gate, his after-school report on the drive home told a different story.

He told me about how he thought he got mixed up with the wrong class after lunch and he was on the wrong playground and he couldn't find his teacher or his friends and he was scared so he just sat there and cried all by himself the entire recess.

My heart literally broke in two.

I didn't want to make a HUGE deal about it and baby him and make him not want to go back to school, so I just asked him a few more questions about the incident and then simply explained to him that if he is ever feeling scared or confused, that he can go up to any teacher or aide and ask them for help, instead of just crying about it.

Turns out, he wasn't lost.  He was just confused because they took them to play at a different playground after lunch AND he didn't recognize the lunchroom staff or playground aide AND when all 4 kinder classes combine for lunch and lunch recess, there are over 100 of them so there were lots of unfamiliar places and he couldn't find any of his friends.  So I can definitely understand why he felt lost and confused and scared.

The part that made me most sad was the fact that the playground aide never asked him if he was ok or why he was crying!

My guess is that because crying is really typical the first week of kinder, that a lot of it just gets ignored or brushed aside.

Maybe they just thought he was crying cuz he missed his mom or something, when actually he was scared and convinced he was lost.

I e-mailed his teacher and let her know how he was feeling.  She said he had a great day in her classroom, but whenever she went to drop the class off at specials or lunch, he did seem to get really apprehensive and nervous.

She said she would explain a little better to him about the lunch routine to help him feel more comfortable with it.

The good news is he loves his teacher and is already attached to her!

The bad news is, he's SO attached to her that he freaks when she isn't with him!

I know it will just be an adjustment for him and will take some getting used to, but it was SO hard to send him back to school the next day, wondering all day long if he was sad or scared or crying all by himself somewhere.

Luckily, when I picked him up from school the 2nd day he had a much better report.

He just says "I don't like eating lunch at school." So I think its just the lunch routine and the chaos of it all that is overwhelming and uncomfortable for him.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I mean, he is a very sensitive and emotional kid.

When I told my mom about his first day, she told me I used to do the same crap when I was in elementary school, so I guess he gets it from me...?

As I think back now on my own teaching years, I find myself wondering if I was too hard on the "criers" those first few weeks of kindergarten.

I always thought I was a pretty sweet and compassionate teacher, but now that I see my own child going through this struggle, it makes my heart ache and I just hope and pray that teachers aren't annoyed at him for being overly-sensitive or crying at silly things, but that they take the time to sincerely comfort him and help him to feel more comfortable with the routines at school.

Maybe after being a mother now, I would be a different teacher??

I mean, when I was a teacher, I always rolled my eyes at the moms who cried when they dropped their kids off on the first day of school.

And then, lo and behold, after I dropped Madden off at school, I cried all the way to the gym.

Guess I shouldn't have judged those mothers too harshly.

Being a mom is hard.

Watching your kids grow up so fast is hard.

And seeing them struggle and go through hard things when you can't be there to help them and comfort them and solve their problems for them, is REALLY hard.

See, real life.

Starts now.