I gotta document this stuff

A few of my fave excerpts from the Mother's Day book Madden made for me at preschool:

Besides the above laugh-out-loud moment brought to you by Madden, here's a few other gems that have had me in stitches lately:

Madden was watching me get ready for a girls night out recently and asked if I was leaving him.  I told him yes, when Dad got home, I was leaving him home with Dad and going out with my friends.  He said "But if you leave me, then who's gonna cuddle me!?"  I said "Dad will."  And Madden, clearly disappointed, said, "but I don't like daddy's cuddles...cuz your cuddles are so nice and soft and daddy's cuddles are SO HARD!"

While cuddling together in bed one morning, Madden squeezed my bicep and said, "Mama you have squishy muscles."

(Maybe thats why my cuddles are so "nice and soft" and daddy's are "so hard"??)

One afternoon over lunch in our kitchen, out of nowhere Madden said, "Can we go home now?"  I laughed and said "what are you talking about? We ARE home!"  Madden looked at me like I was crazy and said "but we're not in Chicago!"

Maddens been asking me lots of questions lately about heaven and what happens when we die.  One day he said, "Mom, I wanna go to heaven right now cuz it would be SO fun!"  I laughed and said "how do you know?" And he said "Cuz I've been there!  Before I was born!" A couple weeks later when he didn't want to go to church on a Sunday morning, Randy reminded him that it made Heavenly Father happy when we went to church and he said to Madden "you're the one who said you wanted to go to heaven, remember?"  And Madden said, "actually...I was just kidding when I said that I wanted to go to heaven."  We still made him go to church.

On the day of Madden's birthday, everywhere we went he thought anything to do with birthdays was all for him.  We were walking through Target and when he saw the aisle with gift wrapping paper and gift bags and bows, he said "what!?  How did they know it was my birthday!?"  Later that day we were in a restaurant that just happened to have a superhero poster up on the wall, which was his birthday party theme this year, and he was shocked once again and said "Mom!  How does EVERYONE know its my birthday today!?"

After Madden's birthday festivities, he didn't wanna leave the house for a good 3 or 4 days...because he just wanted to play with all his new toys and couldn't bear to part with them for even a second.  The day after his birthday, after partying hard all night and playing hard all day, I looked over and found him asleep on the couch like this...

With his new toys lined up on his stomach...at 5 o clock in the evening.

At the Disney store one day, Madden asked me to buy him a toy.  I said I wasn't going to buy him a toy that day because he had got one from the store the previous day and he doesn't get a new toy every single time we go to the store.  He said, "But Mom!  You just ALWAYS buy me a toy EVERY time at the store because you LOVE ME!"  I might've bought him a toy after that.

Madden farts more than any other child I've ever met in my life.  One day I said to him, "Madden, stop farting!" And he said, "I can't help it mom!  My farts won't go away.  They just like me so much, that they won't leave!  I guess they're here to stay."

On the way to the mall one day, Madden said, "Mom, I'm gonna make a new friend at the mall.  But not a mean one, a nice one.  So if I see a mean boy, then I shouldn't pick him."

Sometimes Madden watches Randy give me my fertility injections at night before bed, one in my stomach and one in my butt cheek.  Today he asked me, "how come you have to have a shot in your tummy AND in your bum?" I said "its just medicine Mommy has to take to help her have a baby."  And he said "oh, so thats why you take both, so you can get one baby in your tummy and one in your bum?"

In another random conversation about heaven and dying where Madden asks me a bajillion questions and I try my best to answer them in an age appropriate way, I told Madden how we all die eventually but that we get to live together in heaven again after we die.  He really liked that.  Later that same day, after a successful bug hunt, Madden was so proud of himself for catching a "large bug" outside with his bug zapper he got for his birthday.  He couldn't wait to show his dad when he got home from work.  But the bug didn't live long enough, as Madden accidentally pinched it to death with his magnifying glass bug holder.  He was almost in tears over it and was so devastated that the bug was dead while I tried to reassure him that it wasn't that big of a deal.  He said, "did the bug go to heaven?" And I said, yes.  Then suddenly he was totally fine and shrugged it off and said, "Oh!  Its ok then.  We'll see him again someday!"

Ever since we got Madden that bug zapper for his birthday all he wants to do his hunt for bugs.  He checks his bug chart that came with the zapper and "checks off" bugs he's found and says things like "well...cording to this chart...it says..."  One day he told me excitedly, "I really wanna find a jumping spider Mom!"  I said ok and then he said, "wait...can jumping spiders jump on your face?"  I said, "well, I guess if they can jump, then yes, they can."  He thought about it for a second more and then said, "actually, I decided I DON'T want to find a jumping spider after all."

One day as we were leaving the house, I slipped on my leopard print flats and Madden said, "Mom!  You CAN'T wear those shoes!!"  I asked him why and he said "Because!  They're weird!"  I laughed and said, "No they're not!  I wear these all the time!"  And Madden said, "But Mom!  I'm just worried that if you wear those shoes people are gonna laugh at you!"

Madden drew this family portrait without any prompting or directions, and then gave me instructions on how to label it.  "That's you mom, that's Dad, that's me, and thats our baby with a HUGE head."

(no baby on the way yet, people...Madden's just really anxious and excited to have a sibling someday.)