on my pregnant mind

Lately I've been wondering a lot about what this baby is gonna look like.

I can't picture a baby boy of mine looking any different than Madden.

I also wonder what his personality will be like.

Randy and I joke that we hit the jackpot with Madden and what are the chances we'd be THAT lucky to get another kid as easy and laid back as Madden…So we are preparing ourselves for a tasmanian devil baby.

And speaking of tasmanian devils, this baby is INSANELY active inside my belly, like WAY WAY more than Madden was.

Do you think that really means anything?

Like, do you think that means he's gonna be super hyper and out of control and bouncing off the walls?

Or do you think their activity in the womb has nothing to do with their personality really?

I have no idea.

But I'm a little bit nervous about it.

People ask me how I'm feeling and if I'm ready to be done with this pregnancy and I have mixed feelings about it.

Sometimes I'm SO over being pregnant and I'm so anxious to meet the little guy, that I do want it to be over.

And sometimes when I remember how hard and tiring the newborn stage can be, I want him to stay in there a little longer.

Randy and I are worried that the sleepless nights and endless nighttime feedings and crying fits and midnight diaper changes are gonna rock our freaking world cuz we have had soooo many years now of getting a full nights rest.

I feel like I might feel like a first time mom all over again when he gets here because its been so long.

I can't even remember the most simple of things, like at what age they start eating solids and how old Madden was when he started sleeping through the night, and how many hours they should be able to go between feedings.

I think we're pretty set on this baby's name but the only person who can't get on board is Madden.

He has chosen a different name for the baby (one we almost named him) and I'm worried he's just gonna call the baby his own name and people are gonna be so confused.

We are doing a planned C-section for this baby.

I could have chosen to do VBAC but I felt safer sticking with what I already know and is less risky and my Doctor felt good about that too.

But now that its coming up, I'm getting kinda scared, even though I've done it before.

Its a serious surgery!

My doctor keeps warning me that just cuz we have a c-section scheduled, doesn't mean I can't go into labor early.

And now I'm freaking out about traveling up to Snowflake for Christmas at 34/35 weeks pregnant!

What if my water broke and I had to deliver up there!?

I'd freak the freak out!

Yesterday, I was driving in my car alone and started thinking about the day this baby is born.

I was picturing how the surgery goes and how quick it is and how they lift the baby up over the curtain for you to see as soon as they come out.

I was imagining being wheeled to the recovery room, where I'd get to hold him for the first time.

And all the sudden I started crying uncontrollably in my car! 

Maybe I'm just a hormonal pregnant chick?

But also maybe I sometimes don't realize just how much this baby is gonna mean to me when its finally placed in my arms.

I mean, I cried a lot in the beginning of my pregnancy cuz I was so thankful to finally be pregnant.

But lately I feel like I've just settled into a daily routine and I go about my every day life and sometimes forget what a miracle and blessing this particular baby is to our family.

And I think when he is REALLY here in my arms, its gonna hit me.

Hard.

Like a ton of bricks.

I can't wait.